BTF #196 - Keys to a Wellbeing Mindset
Wellbeing doesn't have a perfect roadmap
People looking to improve their life seem to want a roadmap.
A perfect set of habits or steps they can take to build lasting happiness.
Unfortunately, flourishing doesn’t work that way.
Fortunately, there are some common foundations that can help each of us to build wellbeing that works for us.
What’s a Wellbeing Mindset?
Mindset: a collection of beliefs, globally or in a specific domain of life, that influence your behavior. (You can learn more about mindset here)
A wellbeing mindset is a system of beliefs that supports your flourishing and resilience. One that makes you better in your life and helps you live in service of your purpose in meaningful ways. Sounds pretty good to me!
But how does one get this magic-sounding mindset!?
Keys to a Wellbeing Mindset
As a coach and positive psychology practitioner, much of my work is helping people lay the foundation of flourishing in their lives. I’ve come to believe there are 4 keys to a wellbeing mindset that when internalized create the groundwork for wellbeing.
1: The absence of the bad isn’t the same as the presence of the good.
You don’t want to drink from a poison well (that would be very bad)… but you also can’t draw water if the well is empty (absence of the bad, which would eventually become very bad). Yet, we often focus our self work on “healing” what’s wrong. Yes, that’s important. But it doesn’t actually build happiness.
If we only focus on what’s “wrong” we heighten negativity bias and can even make ourselves more neurotic. Instead, we must also invest time and energy into building the good stuff in our lives.
2. Not everything works for everyone all the time.
Not everyone needs every practice.
Not every workout is appropriate or fits ones goals.
Even meditation isn’t a panacea! (As much as the meditation app people want you to believe it is, meditation can make some mental health challenges worse. It truly isn’t for everyone.)
Short of clean air, fresh water, nutritious food, and sleep - not everything works for everyone.
The trick? Find the change you’re ready, willing, and able to make in your life that aligns with your goals.
3. Focus on what matters to you.
People regularly ask me “how do I make myself stick to XYZ” - whether it be diet, exercise, sleep. Whatever!
My reply: “what are the most important things in your life right now?” What I’m really asking them is “what’s worth changing for?”
What matters to you so much that change becomes worth whatever obstacles or challenges you encounter? Is it your family? Faith? Career? Calling? By anchoring your efforts to thing you actually care about, you drive the flywheel of motivation.
Can’t find something? Maybe let it go for now and focus on what actually matters instead. You’ll be happier and less neurotic.
4. You have to do it for it to work.
I believe wellbeing is two things: a mindset and a lifestyle.
Happiness isn’t an intellectual experiment. That’s philosophy, not wellbeing science. When it comes to the lifestyle part: you have to do it for it to work!
You have to put down the phone and go to bed.
You have to cook the meal and eat your vegetables.
You have to go for the walk.
You have to practice the gratitude.
You have to focus on the positive.
You have to have the difficult conversation.
You have to go to therapy or coaching when you need guidance.
You can’t just read the books and blog posts (or listen to the podcasts) - you have to actually engage in the practices you learn in order to see the change in your life.
Wellbeing Doesn’t Build Itself
It takes some work. Some internal excavation and experimentation. The regular decision to keep coming back to the work. Even when times are difficult (especially when times are difficult).
Along the way you will change. Life will change. With that, the practices will change. That’s not a bug, it’s a feature (see #2 above).
I got a lot of feedback on the recent episode of Better Than Fine, which is why I put together a little guidebook that you can get for free here.
Did this episode inspire you? Sharing is caring so feel free to pass it on.
Need support making sense of your own wellness? I’m available for long term coaching and consultations are always free.
Here’s the link to my calendar so you can book a call.