My American Dream

Happy birthday, America. Sorry things are weird right now.

Beginning around 15 yrs old, one of my favorite annual events was singing the American National Anthem for the tractor pulls at the county fair. Which I did every year until I left for college.

I was honored to climb up into the rickety announcers booth, belt my (not so) little lungs out, and to hear the whistles and cheers start as the last resonance of “freeeeeeee” faded in the speakers. I have chills thinking about it now. I did it for various local sporting events, but there was something different about the tractor pulls. Something iconic of the culture I’m from ~ my grandparents in the stands, maybe. The people coming from 3 states away to compete. It felt bigger than me.

As a sentimental person that feels things deeply, I grew up a very proud American.
I still am. Which feels like an unpopular, almost dangerous, thing to admit in our current climate.

Perhaps that because right now, in some very scary ways, America is a bit of a mess.

Don’t worry! I’m not going to go into that mess. What the mess looks like depends on your angle. What I see is everyone I know concerned in one way or another. The universal emotions that seem to unite us now are anxiety, concern, and downright fear.

What I will say about the mess:

When you love something you don’t bail when it’s a mess.
You double down. You help clean it up.
You do everything in your power to make it better.
That’s how love works.

What is in my power are these words - the ones I share with you this week.

Part of what I fear we have lost is inspiration. A vision for how things could be.
The imagination and creativity that built the stated ideals of this country.

Our movies and television are not technicolor dreamscapes of possibility. They’re nightmare instruction manuals about how to cope in the apocalypse. What does authentic thriving look like under these circumstances?

So today, in advance of America’s Birthday, I’m writing to share with you
My American Dream. The one that keeps me showing up, working on wellbeing, and believing in all of us.

My American Dream

In my American Dream peace and calm are a breath away. Worry is not our default setting and we believe in our own resilience and ability to problem solve. We’re free to dream without the burden of “but, what if…?” stifling possibilities. Dreaming, learning, and growing aren’t only for the young.

Regardless of what you look like, who you love, where & how you were born, what gender you present as, or who you do or do not pray to - you know you belong somewhere.

That you are free to be your authentic self & every citizen of this nation so believes in your right to do so, they embody that ideal to their very core. They may not like you. They may not agree with you. Yet, they respect your right to exist as yourself in the world.

Isn’t that what freedom is?
Being at liberty to be fully yourself?

At the moment in history my grandmothers came to be women they couldn’t get a credit card or own a business without a man’s co-signing. They both struggled at times under the weight of their given circumstances and irreversible choices. I see that struggle reflected in their daughters. Yet, in my mother’s lifetime the laws and restrictions that limited my grandmothers were re-written.

Their limitations were outpaced in 2 generations.

THAT is my American Dream.

That if you want an education you can get one, but we also respect a blue collar job.
That if you love someone you can marry them, but no one can force you to stay.
That if you want a family you can afford to have one. If you don’t, that’s your choice.

You want your own business? Amazing. You don’t have to have been born into wealth to pull off starting one. If you want to work for someone else, you can make a reasonable living and still have hobbies, friends, leisure time, and peace of mind.

In my American Dream I can feel the way I used to feel when I sang the Anthem. The opening of my heart - not just to oxygen for notes, but to a connection to something greater than me that I could be proud of.

An America where women’s rights are human rights and no one could keep me from what was meant for me. Where every American’s rights are equal in regard.

Even if your choices aren’t my choices, you have the right to live as you choose as long as you respect everyone else’s rights.

My American Dream is that wellbeing becomes so fundamental the skills and tools to build it become sacred. Not only for yourself. For everyone. Collective thriving.

This is my dream because it’s what I thought we were doing.
When I sang The National Anthem, I was singing it for us all.
I sang for the American experiment I believed in whole heartedly.
I still do.

I’ve grown to see the real challenges to that dream. Not in a way that disillusions me from it. No. Instead I’ve spent my life studying the elements of how to build it - individually and collectively.

Hitting middle age like a brick to the face, I’ve come to understand:
my generation are now the adults in the room.

It’s our duty to build upon and protect what’s come before us. To outpace the mistakes of our forbearers. To make our own new & exciting mistakes.

My American Dream is that we step in and shape the future. Now.

Why does it matter?

For any dream to become possible starts with a shift in belief. To do the necessary work of change, you must believe that change is possible. I see this every day with client’s struggling to make changes in their lives and then breaking through. It’s the belief that shifts first.

We are living in a time of existential threat. That’s no great revelation to anyone who is paying attention. We are not going to solve these problems, the threat to our vision for the way life could be, if we’re exhausted, burnt out, and miserable. We need the vision of what we’re working for and to attend to wellbeing - ourselves and one another’s - to sustain us through the long, exhausting work to fix it.

Human beings are remarkably resilient.
Look at all our ancestors survived to get us here.
Look at all we have worked through so far.

We must, each of us:

1. Attend to your mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing first and foremost - to create a foundation of knowing yourself, believing you have worth and something essential to contribute, and have the energy and capacity to show up and do it
   

2. Align to your authentic self and values - the world needs who you really are. Not the image of a broken, hurt self; but the radiant shine of your gifts. What that Unfuckwithable Place inside you cares about is reflected in your values.
   

3. Use what you’re good at in service of what you care about - while you’re working on #1 you’ll likely uncover some gifts, talents, and passions. Connect with #2 and you’ll get a greater sense of the values and ideals that matter most. Use those gifts to make what you care about better.

You may think that sounds overly simplistic. That purpose and passion require grand designs. That may be true, but we all have to start somewhere. And, it’s unlikely you’ll go off and save the whales if you’re exhausted, cynical, and sick. (Besides, the whales seem to be saving themselves these days)

Happy Birthday, America

Even if things are a bit weird right now.

I’d love to hear about your dream for us - share in the comments?