Happy American Thanksgiving to all those celebrating this week! No doubt your feeds and inboxes have been flooded with posts on gratitude. Makes sense ~ it’s in the name of the holiday after all. But for many people gratitude practices feel hollow. Artificial.
Perhaps there’s another positive state you can seek to embrace this holiday season that will deepen your enjoyment, sense of connection, and overall satisfaction with your life? That practice: savoring.
This post is part of a series to support meaningful wellness in the holiday season. The More|Better substack is a weekly dose of fitness, wellness, and wellbeing content here to help you make sense of wellness nonsense, written by personal trainer, wellness coach, and positive psychology practitioner Darlene Marshall.
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What’s savoring?
In it’s technical, psychological definition savoring means to pay attention to, appreciate, and even deepen a positive or pleasant experience, emotion, or even upcoming event. While gratitude and similar practices focus on calling up specific emotions, savoring is about becoming aware of something pleasurable and embracing whatever positive emotions come with it.
How’s that work?
First, you’ve got to be mindful and able to connect to the moment you’re in, which might involve growing some present moment awareness (like when you meditate).
Second, you’ve got to be able to put aside any seemingly urgent tugs on your attention. You’ll not be fully savoring the Thanksgiving meal if the push notifications to your watch are distracting you.
From there you can savor what’s going on in this moment, something reminiscent from the past, or positively anticipate something you’re looking forward to. These might be positive experiences, like savoring time in nature; enjoying an activity as it unfolds, like doing a craft project; or savoring an exchange with others, something called positivity resonance.
What’s so good about it?
Here’s a quick run down of measured benefits of savoring (all references here):
Equalizes and counteracts the negative effects of stressful events on the nervous system and psyche
Increases general happiness, life satisfaction, and perception of control in life
Decreases depressive symptoms and levels of anxiety
Improves mood and overall affect
Improves quality of relationships when savoring something together (like sharing good news with loved ones or intentional anticipation together)
How to Savor this Holiday Season:
Here are a few suggestions that come right out of Positive Psychology research and practice (all references here):
Sharing Something Good: Many of us have been taught “not to brag” when we have good fortune, but we’re partly depriving those around us from savoring our success! The technical word for this is capitalization, when we take the opportunity to connect over something good. Capitalization means you’ve got to share, and they’ve got to be ready to connect and listen to you. Don’t hesitate to tell people you need their attention - it’ll be worth it when you get it!
Attentive Listening (with positive reflections): The other side of capitalization is showing up for the person whose sharing. Which means you have the chance to capitalize, connect, and savor from someone else’s good news. The best way to pull this off it to give them your undivided attention and ask open ended questions about how they fee and what they’re excited about. That will tap you into positivity resonance.
Sensory Sharpening: Don’t worry, you wont need a wet stone for this kind of sharpening. Sensory sharpening is to purposely focus your attention on some aspect of the positive experience you’re having ~ listening to the sound of music, smelling the woods all around you, or focusing on the notes and tastes in your food. Regular practice helps to grow these skills and deepen pleasure.
Avoid Shut-down Thinking: Short version: don’t be a buzz kill. We all have times we get stuck in a rut. If you want to get out of it you’ve got to put that Eeyore thinking down and lean into the good stuff. Yes, for some of us it’s easier said than done; but downplaying the good stuff is a path to misery.
Shared Reminiscence: Pull out the old photo albums, slide shows, and home movies! Get the family telling stories and use those open ended questions again to deepen the experience. It sounds cheesy, but it measurably boosts happiness.
Final Thoughts
Savoring isn’t a panacea. It’s not magically going to resolve world conflict or cure depression (though it does lower aggression and decrease depressive symptoms #justsayin). While the holidays are difficult for many people, a few moments of levity and connection can make all the difference. The goal isn’t to be in a Norman Rockwell painting; the goal is to be a little bit happier than you would’ve been otherwise - and for many of us, that’s good enough for right now.
Questions?
Questions about your own holiday health struggles?
Confused about making this all work in your own life?
Leave your questions in the comments! I’ll be answering them throughout the holiday season.
Need support making sense of your own wellness? I’m available for long term coaching and consultations are always free.
Here’s the link to my calendar so you can book a call.