Pragmatic Optimism
“While you can't control your experiences, you can control your explanations.” ~ Martin Seligman
Even “positivity” people get down sometimes.
TL;DR
Optimism and pessimism aren’t personality traits; they’re part of how we explain the world to ourselves
Both optimism and pessimism have benefits, so how can they be balanced
Pragmatic Optimism is a framework for balancing pessimism and optimism in 3 steps
Step 1: Recognize the Situation You’re In
Step 2: Be 100% Honest with Yourself
Step 3: Pragmatic and Positive Action
I have worked both as a coach and mentor for a number of other positive psychology practitioners, coaches, and trainers over the years and, just like anyone else, they get down and in their heads. As “positivity people” we can absorb the idea that we have to be positivity machines, walking the talk and twisting ourselves into magical, positive reflections of life to be “legit”. If we don’t (can’t?) does that mean we aren’t really “positivity people”?
Of course we are.
We, as anyone else, are human. We have bad days, lose loved ones, and struggle to balance the (digital) checkbook.
But it is very, very easy to forget that and sink into the belief that others wont get on our bandwagon if we aren’t perfect projections of wellbeing. That road leads to burnout and disenchantment with things we once loved.
I am just a susceptible to this as anyone else and have sought for strategies that would keep me forward thinking and resilient, even when under stress.
Enter: Pragmatic Optimism
“While you can't control your experiences, you can control your explanations.”
We may not have a say in what happens to us, the circumstances we’re born into, or precisely what happens next. The Universe in her chaotic nature is going to throw much at us that’s beyond our control. But there’s reason I love the above quote: we can control what we do with whatever we are given.
This idea isn’t new; but I often find when it’s unpacked it’s done in a limited way.
“You can control your explanations”… okay. So what do I do with them?
Enter another quote I’ve been loving lately
“Who you are is not your fault, but it is your responsibility”
The earliest formation of your nervous system happened in the womb.
Your early childhood experiences dictated your attachment style.
If you experienced Adverse Childhood Events, depending on your score you’re more likely to have a heart attack, smoke, get diabetes, use drugs, and experience depression (don’t ask my score… even I don’t want to know…)
None of that is your fault.
What you do with it is your responsibility.
This is where pragmatic optimism comes in. Pragmatic Optimism is a framework for approaching life when life feels like it sucks.
You Aren’t an Optimist (or a Pessimist)
Most of us are raised to believe we’re either optimists or pessimists. We either see the glass as half full or half empty. According to Dr Martin Seligman, the founder of Positive Psychology, we’re neither. His research shows that optimism and pessimism aren’t personality traits; they’re what he calls “explanatory styles”.
They’re part of the lens of how we explain the world to ourselves.
Pessimists experience a challenge or problem and interpret the situation with 3 factors:
Permanent - things will always be difficult
Pervasive - it’s not just this, everything is difficult
Personal - it’s difficult because something’s wrong with me
Pessimism like this is shown to whittle away our resilience, wellbeing, and overall satisfaction with our lives. Read: way less happy.
Optimism, in contrast sees those same situations as:
Temporary - problems come and go and nothing is forever
Limited - this just affects this one area of my life
General - everyone struggles, it isn’t only me. It’s part of being human.
To put it another way:
Pessimism = This sucks. That’s because everything sucks and it always sucks because I suck.
Optimism = This sucks. But not everything sucks, it’ll get better, and bad things happen to everyone at some point.
Not all Sunshine & Roses
While Optimism sounds good, it still isn’t ideal. Optimists tend to minimize threat and take unreasonable risks, not planning well for the future or protecting what they do have. They gloss over problems and hop on to the good part. (All of which I am very very guilty of in my life)
For example, optimists in their 20s and 30s might not prioritize sleep and healthy eating because they think they’ll be young forever. The “It can’t happen to me” mindset. Or not saving for retirement early enough because you think you’ll have more working years ahead of you.
Pragmatic Optimism balances the wellbeing benefits of optimism with the mindful risk assessment of the pessimist.
3 Steps for Pragmatic Optimism
When you pick up on the notion that you’re going into a challenging time, struggling to accomplish your goals, or need to stretch yourself to where you want to be - it’s time for some pragmatic optimism.
Step 1: Recognize You’re in It
To use Pragmatic Optimism effectively you’ve got to catch yourself in the moment of stress, overwhelm, or striving. It might sound easy or obvious, but how many people do you know that just react whenever something bad happens.
Learning mindful self-awareness and self-regulation will help you shift your reactivity and explanatory style.
Once you pick up on that you’re in it, move on to step 2.
Step 2: Be 100% Honest with Yourself
If you don’t already have all the information on the situation, it’s time to gather intel. You can’t make an informed, balance, hopeful decision if you’re lacking important information.
Once you’ve got all the details it’s time to get real.
Remember that feelings are information, so part of being honest with yourself about your situation is letting you feel all of your feelings. That includes accepting any shame, blame, and guilt that comes up. Don’t let yourself get stuck in the emotion. Feel them, acknowledge and honor them, learn from them, then move on.
Step 3: Positive and Proactive Action
Ask yourself “What is the most positive, proactive step forward that I can make right now?” And then: do it.
The point of this action is to build as much hope and forward momentum as is tangibly possible. Will it be perfect? no. Will it be exactly what you want? probably also no. But it will put you in a better position to get the things you actually want down the line.
Final Thoughts
You may end up repeating these steps over and over and over when working through life’s larger challenges. As you do you improve your situation and train yourself to use this framework more readily in the future. This keeps you proactive, forward thinking, and solution focused, ultimately boosting resilience.
I’ll end with an affirmation I teach my clients: “Baby steps are still steps.”