Takeaways from NYTimes Well Festival
Last week it was my privilege and pleasure to trek down to NYC for the New York Times Well Festival. It may sound ridiculous to some, but I was genuinely honored to be an invited guest. Which when I shared in those terms with Scott Barry Kaufman he asked aghast, “do you have imposter syndrome?!”
“No”, I explained. It’s that I grew up in rural poverty and my brilliant grandparents weren’t afforded the education that would give them the opportunities their intelligences were capable of. I take nothing for granted. It’s an honor and a privilege to get to concern myself with what it means to be well 2 generations removed from people without options.
Seeing a similar awareness of privilege, power, and potential on stage was one of the things that most impressed me at the event. The pre-pandemic wellness events I’d attended were largely about shilling supplements, Goop-esque girl-boss empowerment, and an elite ideal of what wellness is. Worse, some fitness events I’ve been to in the last year are still parades of an outdated fitness paradigm: weight-obsessed macho men blind to the evolving conversation on movement and lifestyle’s potential to unlock wellbeing - if only we’d make it accessible at scale.
Fortunately, The NYTimes Well Festival rose above my expectations.
(You can watch the recordings of the talks at the links provided.)
Platforming Mental Health Struggle
The theme of the event was Happiness; but the conversation wasn’t hollow or toxically positive. Lisa Damour and Gabriela Nguyen talked about how our phones are stealing our attention and presence, seeding anxiety and draining connection. Sara Bareilles, Dacher Keltner, and Dan Harris demonstrated great vulnerability opening up about their struggles with anxiety and panic attacks.
The real standout to me was Charlamagne Tha God - to have a black man on stage at a wellness event talking about going to therapy was such a departure from the standard wellness schtick I was enthralled.
Terry Real’s session on relationships was an equal revelation. He expertly calls in how the empowerment of women in the last decades has lead to our expectation of a level of emotional intelligence and skills that our men were not raised to have. It’s created to tension between fem (understandable and according to Real, reasonable) expectation, but men’s general equal frustration. To hear a cis, straight, white male with a platform and voice of authority so clearly articulate the way patriarchy harms all men was refreshing - along with a few things we can do about it.
“Leading men, women, and non-binary folks into intimacy is
bringing them beyond patriarchy” ~ Terry Real
Same Ole Schtick?
It wasn’t all sunshine, though. I’d been excited for Jameela Jamil, the celebrity and model turned body-positive and anti-diet culture activist. While her session was entertaining and her charisma obvious, I was a bit disappointed. She mostly talked about herself and shared a few funny (but rambling and unrelated to the topic) stories. What was interesting to me was the number of women in the room reacting strongly to her anti-diet, anti-capitalist rhetoric ~ and my own realization of how few people have heard it clearly before.
In case you haven’t gotten the message: hating yourself because the culture says to only enriches the people trying to sell you diets, supplements, and the latest nonsense.
Which brings me to the greater disappointment of the day.
While most of the people on stage seemed to have (or overtly stated their) awareness of the social, economic, and political factors that impact accessibility and availability to care for one’s health and wellbeing - then there was Peter Attia. While most people on stage were interested in a nuanced dialogue about whole-person wellness, including mental health and motivation - then there was Peter Attia. There are so many people enamored with Attia’s content on longevity. Maybe it’s the depth of his content and the assuredness behind his protocols?
I do not have that experience with him.
To me he is the current poster boy for the Optimizer Dude-Bro camp that’s eating the foundation of our culture - and I think optimize is a 4 letter word. It was jarring to go from “patriarchy is killing us” and “diet culture is a scam to control you” right into an overt call for caloric restriction, time restricted eating (the fancy name for fasting) for all, and expensive out of pocket blood tests. When the moderator (New York Times journalist and Well section editor Kate Lowenstein) pointed out that clients to his clinic pay $60,000 for his guidance, that most people can’t afford that, and what are things anyone could do to interpret their data… and then she points out that most of us get 20 minutes annually with our doctor… his response was to snidely point her at his podcast as if she was stupid for asking.
His arrogance was overwhelming.
I spend a lot of time with clients deprogramming the feeling that they’re not doing enough and that their mental health is more important than so influencer nonsense. His kind of rhetoric is often what I’m deprogramming them from.
Best Moments
My personal highlight reel from the day was all about people.
I’d started the day off taking a dance class at 305 alongside Kelly McGonigal and it was incredible. I’ve never done a cardio dance class before and was grinning ear to ear (and struggling to keep up) the entire time.
There was seeing Danielle Friedman after a long time:
And Danielle moderated a panel with Kelly and Robin Arzón about movement for joy - which is clearly right up my alley and it was excellent to see those around me reacting with enthusiasm for ideas so close to my heart.
