The essential tool for coping with overwhelm
Where to focus when everything feels $*C#^D
Feeling overwhelmed?
Can’t imagine why!
I’ll spare you the standard post intro where the author points out all the reasons you have for feeling the way we’re all feeling - you know it already.
Over the last 4+ years you’ve probably tried all kinds of coping strategies. Read about burnout and resilience. Maybe baked some sourdough. How’s that working for you?
“How’s that working for you?”
When I’m working with clients and they share their current strategies for coping, wellbeing, meaning making, or fitness I’ll often ask “How’s that working for you?” Meaning, are you getting where you want to go with what you’re currently doing?
If they say Great! we move on. But, if they’re not getting the outcomes they want, we know it’s time to dig a little deeper.
Maybe you’re reading this because you want one more tool in your toolbox, but otherwise your coping kit is rock solid. Good on ya!
But maybe, just maybe, you’re reading it because your coping toolbox is rusted out. Maybe you’re starting to feel like things are slipping from bad to worse and you’re getting a bit cynical. Maybe you’re thinking right now that’s not so bad Darlene. What’s the big deal? A little cynicism is probably healthy at the moment.
What you might not know is there’s a bit of a recipe to helplessness and burnout - it goes something like this:
Feeling overwhelmed, but care a lot so you push through by dipping into your resilience…
If things don’t get better, you start to get a bit worn down. But you’re in it now. Maybe things will change soon…
When you feel worn down enough, you start to get cynical. Maybe things won’t change…
Cynicism grows, but you keep pushing and sacrificing your wellbeing a bit…
You start to feel helpless that things can’t change.
And you’re exhausted.
And you’re overwhelmed.So you detach.
And now you’re burnt out.
Ouch.
You're tired - you stop taking care of yourself. You're emotionally fried. In the fear it can't change you stop trying to make things better.
Those are the hallmarks of burnout… a direct line from overwhelm.
This is why interrupting overwhelm is essential!
Overwhelm feeds feelings of helplessness. Helplessness drives passivity, avoidance, and even symptoms of depression ~ and we can’t live out our personal missions (whatever that might be to you) if we’re exhausted, sick, cynical, and detached.
What do we do?
First and foremost: feel your feelings. Go for a walk. Call a friend. Hug a puppy. Regulate your nervous system to the best of your ability. Let’s be clear, that will be perfectly imperfect. If the overwhelm is deep enough you’re not going to feel like the human equivalent of a beautify fall day.
It will also be easier to do that if you’ve eaten, moved your body, and slept.
Next, we’re going to take a page from an strange place - an advanced mathematical theory on how reality works:
Complexity Theory is a theory of reality, along with relativity and quantum mechanics. While relativity explains very small things, and quantum mechanics explains very big things, complexity gives structure to our day to day reality.
In his exceptional book Notes on Complexity Dr Neil Thiese maps how complexity shapes our reality. It might sounds... well, complicated... but here's are 2 key concepts that can help you in shaping your own life and wellbeing:
All interactions are local - meaning there is no grand-poobah top down control of our lives day to day. Human interactions happen when we talk, touch, write, or move in ways that influence one another. The same is true for the organs and cells in your body. Want to change? It's one local interaction at a time (not a full reboot and reinvention of everything)
Adjacent Possible - if all interactions are local we can only change what's adjacent for us. It may take some experimentation to figure out what works but when we explore, even randomly, we discover new insights into possibility
What's that have to do with overwhelm?
Complexity tells us the meaningful thing to do when you’re feeling overwhelmed:
👉 focus on what's local
👉 focus on what's adjacent
👉 experiment a bit in how you're thinking, feeling, & doing
Whether we're talking about ants or organs, those are the only ways living beings continue to evolve and change.
What’s that mean for you?
Do the most doable thing!
Literally anything. The goal is to break past helplessness and passivity, build momentum, and shift how you’re thinking and feeling.
(This is why cleaning your room helps with depression, btw)
When you are feeling overwhelmed and cynical, or even a bit of helplessness, do anything that feels like a doable accomplishment. Especially if they feel like they are renewing, supporting, and affirming you as a person.
Here are a few things I do myself:
Mow the lawn
Laundry
Clean one room (or even just one section/thing if I’m really overwhelmed)
Go for a walk, work out, or foam roll
Water the garden
Focus on one email at a time (easiest/doable first)
Learn something on guitar
Complexity tells us that we can truly only influence what we are adjacent to.
Want to reshape your reality & get past that feeling of freeze?
Put the phone down and start shaping what you can directly influence.
Looking for more on your journey from survive to thrive?
There are a few ways I can help you keep it movin’:
90 Minute Wellness Roadmap (currently on sale) - Struggling or stuck? Spend 90 minutes with expert eyes looking at your own efforts to grow fitness, wellness, and wellbeing.
Free Ultra-processed Food Guide - Struggling to eat better, but also know that diets don’t work for you? Want to be healthy, but know that diet culture is big ole lie? Want someone to teach you about what food is actually bad for health? Download this freebie anytime.
Better Than Fine podcast - if you appreciate this substack you should check out the Better Than Fine podcast - we livestream new episodes every Wednes
This is fantastic. So clear and innovative. I really love the application of "Complexity Theory" which is new to me. Very actionable! well done!