What if Millennial Midlife isn't a Crisis?
What if it's a calling.
Good morning and Happy Monday.
I know it’s been a while. Other than the July 3rd musing on what it means to be an American I’ve been largely absent from this space. Over the last 6 months my life went through a recalibration of sorts. The loss of a loved one; the ongoing phase shift of my relationship; and tectonic changes in our culture and social structure.
During the COVID years I often said “It’s a weird time to be a wellbeing expert”.
That’s ringing true in a big way these days.
I’ve spent much of the last few months wondering:
What does it mean to be “better than fine” when things aren’t fine?
It’s lead me to ask better questions - which, if you’ve ever worked with a coach, you know that’s sometimes more valuable than just being told an answer.
One of the marbles rattling in my head the last few years has felt like a kōan:
How can it be that Millennial’s are the most educated generation in history,
The first American generation with more educated women than men,
With more access to information and our foundational needs met than ever before…
Yet, the climate is failing, our social fabric is unraveling,
and we’re less happy and satisfied than ever before?
Seriously! What gives!?
I’m not going to pretend to know the answers. But I do believe this:
As hard headed as we can be, humans are also really clever. We’re introspective. We’re problem solvers and each of us is the descendants of the ancestors who found their way through challenge and crisis.
Ok, we’re also tired, a bit burnt out, overwhelmed, and overstimulated.
But bare with me here.
One of the other “better questions” in my head:
What if Millennials hitting mid life isn’t a crisis? What if it’s a calling?
I don’t mean that as a cliche. I mean it like a spiritual awakening.
In the course of my adult life I’ve had 2 significant burnouts and 3 significant callings. All of them were major inflection points.
The burnouts were moments I unequivocally said “NO!” and stood up for myself - learning the essentials of the boundaries that now keep me high functioning. They were times my nervous system could no longer take the stress and overwhelm I kept showing up for day after day, driving a downward spiral. They sucked. But damn did I learn a whole hell of a lot (including the one I just went through btw).
The callings were moments of clarity that drew me to my greatest achievements and self-alignment. Times I said “Hell Yes!” to a higher version of myself. I stepped up into a level of connection, insight, and access that my previous self didn’t know was possible. But to be clear, if I wasn’t ready, willing, and able to listen I never would have heard and answered that call.
I believe Millennials (especially Millennial woman) are at an inflection point. The women I work with are tired, frustrated - often high achievers who have done everything “right” and are ending up with a very short stick.
The midlife crisis cliche is to wake up and wonder “is this all there is?”
I see us waking up to “is this what I worked so hard for!?”
And I believe the answer is no. But for there to be meaningful change we first embrace the idea that something different is possible:
💡Midlife is a calling, not a crisis
💡Burnout is an invitation to see and do things differently, not a personal failure
💡You’re not broken, your body is asking for another way to be
What you can expect coming from
Better Than Fine (the show and the Substack)
📌 Essays and episodes on burnout, identity, ambition, embodiment, and rethinking how we show up when things are effed-up
📌 Notes from the field (what I’m learning from my clients that can help you)
📌 Tools, tips, and tidbits to help you find your own paradigm shift as we try to navigate <gestures broadly> whatever this all is.
It’s been a challenging year so far - professionally, personally, and collectively.
For those of you still reading and listening to BTF: thank you.
Thank you for your kindness and support. Your patience and grace.
If something in this message resonated with you, reply and let me know.
If you think it would resonate with someone in your network, forward it to them.
To find a new way through we have to decide, individually and collectively, to not collapse. To not hide. To heal, evolve, and be ready when the opportunity for calling comes.
Talk soon,
Darlene
Interested in coaching to support your own Midlife Calling?
More information here. Or grab time for a call here.